Thursday, May 21, 2009

I am a coward!!

Last night I totally stood up a bunch of friends I grew up with...on purpose. One is a perfect Mormon girl, one ended up as a stripper in Vegas married to a drug addict who killed himself, and one I never even knew very well to begin with. I couldn't face them because no matter which one I compare myself to I don't measure up or I can't relate. Not only that, I tell myself I don't need to keep in touch with people, I don't need friends, I don't need anyone because it takes too much energy to have relationships. The ones I HAVE to have are hard enough, why would I seek out more? Of course, until I am feeling lonely and beaten down and then I look around for a shoulder and wonder why I am alone and hate myself for it.

I have serious issues!


1 comment:

  1. Anonymous5/21/2009

    Smarty Pants says...

    I completely know what you mean. My "friends" now are just too different. They are either
    1, super crafty full time mommies who have no interest in talking with me about the thing I do for 10 hours a day.
    2. coworkers who are single and have no responsibility and drink all weekend long.
    Neither one is a good fit for me at this point (though I will admit last weekend I secretly wished I'd never heard of the word of wisdom).
    Most of the time I'm okay with it (I think I would make a good hermit) but I hate when I don't have anyone to share fun girly stuff with like movies and shopping. And truth be told... this blog was created to let me have a place to 'talk' and share things I can't with my so-called friends. So let it all out Runt. The good the bad the ugly and the funny!